Ladies and gentlemen, if I get elected, I will ask myself these questions before I decide to support a proposed bill: Is this proposed bill Constitutional? Would it promote decency and order in society? What impact would it have on families? Would our Founding Fathers be aghast if this became law? Can we afford this law? Do we really need this bill to become law? Does it advance unnecessary control over innocent citizens and expand government? Is this bill part of the New World Order agenda?
If I am elected, I will do what I can to reduce all taxes, eliminate the Internal Revenue Service, and put the government on a diet. Why should taxpayers always be the ones to sacrifice to satisfy expansion of an insatiable government? Government can cut its programs and permit citizens to keep the money that they have worked so hard to earn. You are told that you should feel guilty for wanting to keep your hard-earned money yet those people who freely receive your money should not feel any guilt! That is not rational thinking.
I will force every department of government to slash, not just cut regulations. It is insane that there are 80,000 pages of IRS regulations that no one, I repeat, no one really comprehends.
I will clip the wings of the environmental fanatics and prosecute any federal employee who harasses any citizen for trivial infractions of inconsequential environmental standards. I will also totally overhaul government taking of private property for dubious purposes.
I will support a law that would jail any federal employee who knowingly lied to an American citizen. After all, if a citizen can be jailed for lying to a federal agent then that agent should be jailed for lying to the one who pays his generous salary.
Since there is not a word about education in the Constitution, I will immediately disband the Department of Education which is a demonstrative failure. Next to go would be the Department of Energy. That will result in thousands of bureaucrats being turned out into society where they might do something valuable and get the government out of areas where it has no business being. I will then go after other departments to see which ones are really essential.
I will see to it that the U.S. takes control of her borders once again. Illegal aliens will be arrested and returned to their place of origin. The second time they are apprehended, they will be arrested and put to work on a chain gang making little rocks out of big rocks. If our neighbors (especially Mexico) do not energetically cooperate with us to eliminate border infractions, we will retaliate against them economically. There will be heavy fines for any U.S. business that hires an illegal alien.
I will seek to stop all immigration for five years and when immigration is continued, we will see that most of those will come from European nations. I will forbid any immigration from Muslim nations until the Islamic nations take a large portion of the “refugees.” After a reasonable balance has been reached, we will consider opening up to other cultures.
I promise to use all my authority and influence to restrict and hopefully repeal the slaughter of unborn children and prosecute those guilty of baby killing. We will start with not funding Planned Parenthood one dollar.
I will close any mosque that promotes, preaches, or practices terrorism and jail those clerics found guilty of doing that. Moreover, I will have the DOJ investigate the Nation of Islam and the ranting of Louis Farrakhan for his incitement-to-riot diatribes. The time of black racists promoting race war and getting away with it by accusing their critics of racism is over.
In the past 15 years, homosexual advocates have bullied, badgered, and blackmailed academia and the media and successfully transformed the American culture to accept the unacceptable as acceptable; to accept vile behavior as almost virtuous; to redefine words to mean their opposite; and to generally coarsen society, corrupt Scripture, and crown sinfulness. Consequently, I will spend much of my time educating citizens on the reality, the rationale, and the results of promoting perversion.
As to homosexuals, I promise to never call them “gays” but homosexuals, perverts, or sodomites. That is not hatred but good, standard English. Those terms provide a perfect understanding of the point of discussion and do not bow to the political and incorrect use of “gay.” Whoever first called homosexuals “gay” either did not understand what “gay” meant or did not know anything about homosexuality.
As to perverts in the military, they will not be accepted, and if discovered will be dishonorably discharged. They will not be beaten, harassed, or harmed in any way, but they will be considered inappropriate for military service. I will also restore sanity in the military by discharging all females from dangerous positions. Any nation that has to use women to protect it does not deserve to be protected.
As to homosexuals in civilian life, I will recommend that each state deal with it as they did two hundred years ago. My recommendation is that sodomy be illegal in each state and the sodomy laws be enforced with vigor. However, to keep the knees from jerking so violently across the nation, I would not, I repeat, would not put a camera in every bedroom. Only in 10% of the bedrooms! Just joking. What’s wrong with you media people? Have you totally lost your sense of humor. Or only your sense?
I would suggest that each state enforce sodomy laws whenever there is proof that sodomy has occurred. If a sodomite molests a youngster under sixteen years old, I would recommend, life in prison without parole. For rape of either gender, I would recommend the death penalty, but the media, the churches, and the schools have made that impossible; so I will settle for life without parole.
I will seek to bring sanity to the “same-sex marriage” issue suggesting that it is abnormal, abominable, and aberrational to even consider that possibility. Furthermore, to think that it is normal, safe, or acceptable for a male to use a female restroom is insanity. If our forefathers are aware of this issue, they must be horrified and embarrassed at their progeny.
While left-wingers will whine and decry this as discrimination, they can whine and decry all they please, but I believe that it is only reasonable to guarantee our safety and to continue our culture that we have been developing for three hundred years. Moreover, I will surround myself with advisors and staff that have similar views. I will hire people with brains, character, talent, and spine although my search for such people will be long and arduous.
A vote for me will be a vote for a return to common sense and constitutional government. Thank you for your support and may God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit bless America once again.
(Now you know why I am no longer in political office!)
Boys’ new book Muslim Invasion: The Fuse is Burning! was published recently by BarbWire Books; to get your copy of Muslim Invasion, click here. An eBook edition is also available.
The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Barb Wire.