Don Boys, Ph.D. — Barbwire guest contributor
A Hollywood actress said, “In every situation, someone has to make the hard decision and I’m glad it is the man.” Not just another pretty face out of Hollywood! Of course, the Bible requires a wife to obey her husband but that doesn’t change the fact that behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. Most wives know the secret to a husband’s success but usually keep the “secret” a secret. A wife is aware of her husband’s faults, failures, and foul-ups but she submits to his leadership because it is God’s plan – and it works.
The Apostle Paul wrote in Ephesians 5:22–23: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body.” That passage is hated by many who claim to be Bible-believers. However, in many parts of the world, there is little discussion: the man is the leader, governor, boss, chief, etc. However you look at it, the husband is the leader in a Biblical home.
A wise husband will always discuss with his wife when major decisions must be made. After all, she is part of the family. Just as important, the man needs a woman’s perspective since he obviously cannot produce that viewpoint no matter how bright, wise, and committed he may be. In our home, my wife is far superior to me in many areas. She is an incredible analyst and can make correct decisions far better and quicker than I. She is also the one who keeps me out of trouble with my columns and books with her knowledge of grammar and composition. I hate to think where I would be without her. All our friends know that she has an engineer’s mind and can solve problems that I don’t even comprehend. So, evidently I am not the head of the home because I am brighter, more talented, better educated or because I am heavier, hairier, or more handsome. It is simply God’s appointment.
Each day before I get out of bed, I ask myself, “What can I do today to make my wife even happier than she is?” We have never had even a “hot” discussion about money or children, the two main points of dissension in most homes. She talks to me before spending money even though it is not necessary since I have complete confidence in her decision and we decide together about investments. If there came a time when we could not agree and a decision had to be made, I would make it and accept the responsibility.
In any family there will be differences and each person should try to satisfy the other’s wants and needs and try to acquiesce to the mate. There may be times when that is impossible and the man must make the decision. When a husband feels the need to command, that usually means a deterioration of the relationship. When command begins, contentment often ends with tragic results. But if each person seeks to satisfy the other, there should be no reason to command. The husband has to fulfill his place as leader and decision maker and the wife must respond, and if she is wise and Christ-directed she will submit to his leadership even if she is convinced his decision is wrong. The man will have to live with his decision. That’s the price of leadership.
That is one reason the man should always get his wife’s thoughts before a decision is made since the responsibility is great. Two minds are better than one and should be twice as safe.
It takes an informed, dedicated, and sincere Christian woman to surrender willingly to God’s plan for her life in this matter. After all, the whole culture is against a wife’s obedience and she will often be ridiculed by foes, friends, and family. It must be understood that times have changed, but God’s plan for the home has not. Cowardly, sniveling husbands and overbearing, commanding wives are a modern abomination and the broken homes resulting in unmotivated, uncivilized, uneducated, and undisciplined children are the consequences.
Francis Quarles, in his homely rhymes, alluding to the superstition that the crowing of a hen bodes bad luck to the family, has said:
Ill thrives the hapless family that shows
A cock that’s silent, and a hen that crows:
I know not which live most unnatural lives,
Obeying husbands or commanding wives.
Deep in every heart he or she knows what is right; however, it is one thing to know the right and another thing to do it.
Meanwhile, behind every successful man is a woman rolling her eyes. Sometimes it is his wife, sometimes, it’s his mother-in-law!
Dr. Don Boys is a former member of the Indiana House of Representatives, author of 15 books, frequent guest on television and radio talk shows, and wrote columns for USA Today for 8 years. His shocking book, ISLAM: America’s Trojan Horse!; Christian Resistance: An Idea Whose Time Has Come–Again!; and The God Haters are all available at Amazon.com. These columns go to newspapers, magazines, television, and radio stations and may be used without change from title through the end tag. His web sites are www.cstnews.com and www.Muslimfact.com and www.thegodhaters.com. Contact Don for an interview or talk show.
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