The Myth of ‘Gay’ Male Monogamy

Barb Wire

When the evolution of President Obama was complete, he proudly announced to America his newfound support for same-sex marriage, stating, “When I think about members of my own staff who are in incredibly committed, monogamous same-sex relationships … I’ve just concluded that … it is important for me to go ahead and affirm that same-sex couples should be able to get married.” This kind of absurdly overused argument, based solely on emotional, anecdotal “evidence,” has unfortunately been quite effective at convincing many, especially the easily-swayed, culturally-compromised millennials. But the entire premise is based upon a conveniently fabricated myth. There may be rare exceptions to the common problem of male homosexual promiscuity, but they are just that – rare. About as rare as an elusive UFO sighting.

“Male homosexuals are very seldom monogamous,” Dr. Elizabeth Iskander asserts, “they overwhelmingly reject the type of relationship most heterosexuals think of when they think of marriage: a long-term relationship where sexual activity is strictly limited to one’s marriage partner.”

The statistics of homosexual promiscuity don’t lie. And we’ll start by examining the results of a study that homosexuals have raucously repudiated as unrepresentative of the current situation regarding male homosexual norms or behavioral activities. The large-scale study conducted during the 1970s by Bell and Weinburg and published by the dubious Kinsey Institute reported the following:

• 83% of the homosexual men surveyed estimated they had had sex with 50 or more partners in their lifetime.
• 43% estimated they had sex with 500 or more partners.
• 28% with 1,000 or more partners.
• 79% of homosexual men say over half of their sex partners are strangers.

Trending: Antifa and Kristallnacht – Will the Lesson Ever be Learned?

Homosexual activists claim that these statistics come from a bygone era of extreme homosexual excess prior to the HIV/AIDS epidemic scare. So, the question is: Have things really changed that much since the results of this jaw-dropping study were first published? And to answer this, we will look — in chronological order – at several follow-up studies on the subject of homosexual monogamy. Or non-monogamy, as the case may be.


The gay-friendly American Psychological Association stated, “After the AIDS epidemic, the average number of male homosexual partners only dropped from 70 to 50 per year.” (Sally Ann Stewart, AIDS Aftermath: Fewer Sex Partners among Gay Men, USA Today, 21 November 1984.)

In The Male Couple: How Relationships Develop, psychiatrist David P. McWhirter and psychologist Andrew M. Mattison (themselves a ‘gay’ pair) authored the results of a study of 156 males in homosexual relationships lasting from one to thirty-seven years. They reported:

Only seven couples have a totally exclusive sexual relationship, and these men all have been together for less than five years. Stated another way, all couples with a relationship lasting more than five years have incorporated some provision for outside sexual activity in their relationships.

That means that only 9 percent of the male partners were actually monogamous, and none of the relationships lasting more than five years were sexually exclusive. By way of comparison, heterosexual couples (75 percent of men and 85 percent of women) were predominantly faithful to their spouse, but in a similar study of homosexual men, only 4.5 percent self-reported as being faithful to their partner. McWhirter and Mattison actually characterized promiscuity as definitional to male homosexuality. (David P. McWhirter and Andrew M. Mattison, The Male Couple: How Relationships Develop, Englewood Cliffs: Prentice-Hall, 1984: 252-253.)


In a study of male homosexuality in Western Sexuality: Practice and Precept in Past and Present Times, Pollak’s research found that “few homosexual relationships last longer than two years, with many men reporting hundreds of lifetime partners.” The 1985 study also recorded that gay men averaged “several dozen partners a year” and “some hundreds in a lifetime” with “tremendous promiscuity.” (M. Pollak, “Male Homosexuality,” Western Sexuality: Practice and Precept in Past and Present Times, ed. P. Aries and A. Bejin, New York, NY: Basil Blackwell, 1985: 40-61.)


German sexologist Dr. Martin Dannecker studied 900 male homosexuals in 1991 living in a “steady relationship” in Bonn, Germany. According to Dr. Dannecker, 83 percent  (747) of males had numerous sexual encounters outside their relationship within the past 12 months. Of the homosexual men in “committed” relationships, he observed, “The average number of homosexual contacts per person was 115 in the past year.” Single “gay” men reported having 45 sexual contacts. (Wittmeier, Carmen, Now They Know the Other Half, Alberta Report, 1999 06 07, p.27.)


Professor Brad Hayton provides the following insight into the mindset of many homosexuals regarding the connection between marriage and monogamy:

Homosexuals … are taught by example and belief that marital relationships are transitory and mostly sexual in nature. Sexual relationships are primarily for pleasure rather than procreation. And they are taught that monogamy in a marriage is not the norm [and] should be discouraged if one wants a good ‘marital’ relationship. (Bradley P. Hayton, To Marry or Not: The Legalization of Marriage and Adoption of Homosexual Couples, Newport Beach: The Pacific Policy Institute, 199: 9)


The “gay” magazine Genre surveyed 1037 readers in October of 1996. This study revealed that 52 percent had sex in a public park and 45 percent participated in three-way sexual activity. In their lifetime, 16 percent reported between 40 to 100 sexual partners, and 24 percent claimed more than 100 different partners. The magazine also noted that several respondents suggested including a category for those having more than one thousand sexual partners. (“Sex Survey Results,” Genre (October 1996), quoted in “Survey Finds 40 percent of Gay Men Have Had More Than 40 Sex Partners,” Lambda Report, January 1998: 20.)


In their 1997 study of the sexual profiles of 2,583 older homosexuals published in the Journal of Sex Research, Paul Van de Ven reported that “the modal range for number of sexual partners was 101-500.” Furthermore, 10.2 percent to 15.7 percent reported having between 501 and 1,000 partners, and a further 10.2 percent to 15.7 percent reported having had more than one thousand lifetime sexual partners. Only 2.7 percent claimed to have had sex with only one partner. (Paul Van de Ven et al., “A Comparative Demographic and Sexual Profile of Older Homosexually Active Men,” Journal of Sex Research 34 (1997).


The Handbook of Family Diversity reported a study which indicated that “many self-described ‘monogamous’ couples reported an average of three to five partners in the past year. Blasband and Peplau (1985) observed a similar pattern.” (David H. Demo, et al., editors, Handbook of Family Diversity, New York:Oxford University Press, 2000: 73.)

In Demography, a study relying upon three large data sets — the General Social Survey, the National Health and Social Life Survey, and the U.S. Census — estimated the number of exclusive male homosexuals in the general population to be 2.5 percent and the number of exclusive lesbians to be 1.4 percent. (Dan Black, et al., “Demographics of the Gay and Lesbian Population in the United States: Evidence from Available Systematic Data Sources,” Demography 37, May 2000: 141.)


According to a Canadian study authored by “gay” professor Barry Adam, only 25 percent of homosexual men involved in “committed relationships” of longer than one year actually practiced monogamy. “Gay culture allows men to explore different … forms of relationships besides the monogamy coveted by heterosexuals,” Adam reported. (Ryan Lee, “Gay Couples Likely to Try Non-monogamy, Study Shows,” Washington Blade, August 22, 2003: 18).

A study of partnered homosexual men in the Netherlands published in the journal AIDS found that men in a “steady” relationship had an average of eight sexual partners per year, and the “duration of [their] steady partnerships” was 1.5 years. (Maria Xiridou, et al, “The Contribution of Steady and Casual Partnerships to the Incidence of HIV Infection among Homosexual Men in Amsterdam,” AIDS 17, 2003: 1031.)


Despite describing themselves as being in a committed relationship, most male homosexual relationships do not tend to last very long. The 2003-2004 Gay/Lesbian Consumer Online Census surveyed the lifestyles of 7,862 homosexuals. The study indicated that in 71 percent of the cases, male homosexuals purporting to be in a “long term relationship” merely lasted seven or fewer years. Only 15 percent describe their current relationship as having lasted twelve years or longer, with 9 percent lasting more than 15 years, and a paltry 5 percent more than twenty years. (“Largest Gay Study Examines 2004 Relationships,” GayWire Latest Breaking Releases,

By contrast, about half of first heterosexual marriages last 20 years or longer. (Matthew D. Bramlett and William D. Mosher, “First Marriage Dissolution, Divorce and Remarriage: United States,” Advance Data, NationalCenter for Health Statistics, May 31, 2001.)


Colleen Hoff, professor of Sexuality Studies at San Francisco State University and director for the University’s Center for Research on Gender and Sexuality conducted a five-year longitudinal study funded by the National Institute of Mental Health. Hoff and her co-authors examined the relationship dynamics of 566 “gay” partnerships in the context of HIV prevention. The results, published in the July 2010 issue of the journal AIDS Care, documented that 99 percent had sexual agreements. Specifically, 45 percent had “monogamous agreements,” 47 percent had “open agreements,” and 8 percent had “discrepant agreements” where the partners were in disagreement as to whether their relationship was open or monogamous.

The New York Times reported the following with regards to the San Francisco State University study:

New research at San Francisco State University reveals just how common open relationships are among gay men and lesbians in the Bay Area. The Gay Couples Study has followed 556 male couples for three years — about 50 percent of those surveyed have sex outside their relationships, with the knowledge and approval of their partners.

In conclusion, there may have been a moderate decrease in the rate of promiscuity following Bell and Weinburg’s study, but the numbers are still extraordinarily high. While the heterosexual rate of fidelity is far from ideal, there remains a significantly higher rate of promiscuity among homosexuals. The obvious conclusion is that male homosexual relationships exhibit a fundamental incapacity for monogamy.

In 2010, the homosexual academic researchers Blake Spears and Lanz Lowen published a study entitled, Beyond Monogamy: Lessons from Long-term Male Couples in Non-Monogamous Relationships. Like every other previous study before them, Spears and Lowen found many promiscuous “gay” male couples, but most refused to be interviewed: “We found long-term non-monogamous couples rather easily, but very few were willing to participate.” One homosexual male participant in the study explained, “Having an open relationship feels like a funny way of being in the closet again. Family and friends expect that we’re monogamous, and we don’t tell them we’re not. It’s like a secret … In our community and society, it feels like something huge isn’t being talked about or studied or understood.”

All of these findings obviously demonstrate that men and women need each other. Men without women have no domesticating or moderating influence on their much stronger, testosterone-driven sex drives. And as a result, it is very likely that homosexual males will be prone to the excessive and destructive extremes of their unrestrained sexual appetites. The homosexual male subculture is therefore typically characterized by an astonishing high level of promiscuity with a great number of partners — sometimes high-risk casual, anonymous sexual encounters.

As Dr. Elizabeth Iskander so provocatively contends:

It is pointless to redefine marriage to include same-sex couples because male homosexuals, who comprise two-thirds of all homosexuals, have demonstrated that they will not accept monogamy or sexual exclusivity. Marriage [would] have to be redefined not only to include same-sex couples, but also to exclude the element of sexual fidelity. By now it should be clear that gay marriage is motivated more by the desire to destroy the concept of marriage than by “fairness” concerns. Homosexual practice denies the need for discipline, self-control, and self-denial, making a god of sex, and insisting that the worship of that god trumps all other values. Because God designed marriage to put sexuality in its place—and sex is not to be worshiped—gays cannot tolerate marriage and would see it destroyed.

In a moment of candor, “Gay” icons Marshall Kirk and Hunter Madsen, authors of the homosexual manifesto After the Ball admitted, “The cheating ratio of ‘married’ (committed) ‘gay’ males, given enough time, approaches 100%.”

That says about all we need to know. Male homosexual monogamy is most certainly a monumental myth.

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Barb Wire.

Jeff Allen
Jeff Allen is both a senior editor and columnist for BarbWire. He also serves as senior pastor in a mainline Christian church in Indiana. He is an ordained elder in the Church of the Nazarene. Jeff is involved in several community ministries.

Join the conversation!

We have no tolerance for comments containing violence, racism, profanity, vulgarity, doxing, or discourteous behavior. Thank you for partnering with us to maintain fruitful conversation.