By Matt Moore – Barbwire guest contributor
I’m going to just be completely honest and lay it out there: I have not really cared about the issue of abortion. I understand that it is murder. But somehow that concept still hasn’t really grasped me in a real way. Sure I’ve joined the chorus of voices on facebook condemning it, from time to time. But I haven’t really ever been moved by the thought of abortion. I haven’t been burdened by it. I haven’t felt the weight of it. I haven’t prayed for people who have had abortions or are wanting to have abortions… ever.
But tonight as I read the words of Emily Letts, both an employee of an abortion clinic AND a mother who had her abortion video’d, my heart was moved. I was burdened. I felt the weight of it. I wanted to pray.
Here are a few thoughts from Emily Letts about her abortion experience:
The idea of helping women through an abortion and supporting them and reassuring then that they are still wonderful and beautiful resonated deeply with me. I had spent so long in the trappings of competition with other women and putting too much pressure on myself that I just wanted to help women.
Once I caught my breath (after getting a positive result on a pregnancy test), I knew immediately I was going to have an abortion. I knew I wasn’t ready to take care of a child. The guy wasn’t involved in my decision. I called my supervisor and said, “Excuse me, I am going to have to schedule one abortion, please.”
While I was pregnant and waiting for my procedure, I thought, “Wait a minute, I have to use this.”
I searched the Internet, and I couldn’t find a video of an actual surgical procedure in the clinic that focused on the woman’s experience. We talk about abortion so much and yet no one really knows what it actually looks like. The first trimester abortion takes three to five minutes. It is safer than giving birth. There is no cutting, and the risk of infertility is less than 1 percent. Yet women come into the clinic all the time terrified that they are going to be cut open, convinced they won’t be able to have kids after the abortion. The misinformation is amazing, but think about it: they are still willing to sacrifice these things because they know that they can’t carry the child at this moment.
I wanted to show that it wasn’t scary — and that there is a such thing as a positive abortion story. It’s my story.
I knew the cameras were in the room during the procedure, but I forgot about them almost immediately. I was focused on staying positive and feeling the love from everyone in the room. I am so lucky that I knew everyone was involved and I was so supported. I remember breathing and humming through it like I was giving birth. I know that sounds weird, but to me, this was birth-like as it could be. It will always be a special memory for me. I still have my sonogram, and if my apartment were to catch fire, it would be the first thing I’d grab.
Still, every time I watch the video, I love it. I love how positive it is.
I know there are women who feel great remorse. I have seen the tears. Grieving is an important part of a woman’s process, but what I really wanted to address in my video is guilt.
Our society breeds this guilt. We inhale it from all directions. Even women who come to the clinic completely solid in their decision to have an abortion say they feel guilty for not feeling guilty. Even thought the know 110% that this is the best decision for them, they pressure themselves to feel bad about it.
I am grateful that I can share my story and inspire other women to stop the guilt.
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What undoes me the most in the things that Emily says is that she knows that this is a true human child, she knows that she is killing it, and yet she finds some sort of sentiment in that? She actually compares the murder of a life to giving birth to a life? The sonogram of the child she chose to kill is her most valued and cherished possession? There is no logic or rationality to the way that her mind is working. None. It’s complete chaos and literal insanity.
Emily’s mind is utterly corrupted. The way that she can take something like abortion — the dissecting of a small human child — and doll it up to present it as an example of positivity and strength is horrifically disturbing.
But what’s even more disturbing is that this world is filled with 7 billion people just. like. her. 7 billion people who are completely and utterly insane. 7 billion people that Roman’s 1 tells us are suffering corruption because of our decision to toss God out of our worldview. We have all refused to worship the Creator and refused to live in line with His design, and so we have completely fallen apart as individuals and as a race. Our entire world is completely jacked up and disoriented because the ones who were supposed to rule over it have rejected the One who rules over them. We have “gone against the grain” in the worst way possible and we are experiencing every day the consequences of that rebellion.
Our own insanity.
And God will not allow this insanity to continue on forever. He will set things right and at the end of the age He will do that through judgement and condemnation of sinners. And it will be deserved. The guilt that Emily Letts and all the rest of us try to hard to shut out of our consciences is real guilt. And we really deserve to be punished for it.
But…. massive BUT…. the incredibly amazing news for us, including women who have had abortions, is that He is already beginning to set things right in another way. Not through judgement of sinners… but through the grace of the gospel of His Son. Jesus Christ entered onto the scene of our messed up drama 2000 years ago and had dealt upon Himself the judgement and condemnation of our sins. Jesus paid the penalty for our rejection of God and His good design, and through the forgiveness of our guilt we can be placed into a position (namely, as a child of God) where God beings rewire our minds and hearts to flow once again with how He has designed us and the world to function. God loves us and He wants good for us. Jesus is our rock solid proof of that. Everything we need to “get right” with God has been done by Jesus. All we need to do is believe in, trust in and cling to Him.
Our only hope is this gospel of Jesus and the reconciliation it brings. The setting-right that it brings. The sanity that it brings. I pray for myself and for other abortion-apathetic people like me that God would not allow us to continue to be hardened and brainwashed by Satan along with the rest of our culture. I pray that He would allow us to see the gross evil of this world and be moved by it. Moved to the point that we would actually engage them and point them to the only One who can remove their guilt, reconcile them to their Creator, and restore to them their sanity.
Matt Moore is a Christian blogger who was formerly engaged in a homosexual lifestyle. Visit Matt’s blog MattMoore.org.
The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Barb Wire.