How to Tell Crazy Democrats From the Other Kind

Desperate to avoid defeat, in the closing days of the 2018 campaign, Sen. Claire McCaskill ran ads assuring Missouri voters that she wasn’t “one of those crazy Democrats” – you know, the wild-eyed, uber-socialist, let’s have an Iran Appreciation Day, give Planned Parenthood a blank check drawn on the Treasury kind. She lost anyway.

As the Party of Ocasio-Cortez, Maxine Waters and Uncle Bernie prepares to take control of the House next year, here’s a guide to telling Crazy Democrats from those with at best a tenuous grasp of reality.

  • Crazy Democrats want all of your money. Sane Democrats are wiling to let you keep your pocket change.
  • Crazy Democrats want no controls on immigration. Sane Democrats will support a system that screens out those convicted of triple homicides.
  • Crazy Democrats want to impeach Trump now. Sane Democrats are willing to wait until after lunch.
  • Crazy Democrats are planning to investigate every member of the administration, including the janitor who empties the waste basket in the Oval Office. Sane Democrats are willing to give Melania and Barron a pass.
  • Sane Democrats think Putin interfered with the 2016 election. Crazy Democrats think the President of the Russian Federation is also responsible for Watergate, New Coke, and the 1918 Influenza epidemic.
  • Sane Democrats want Nancy (“I’ve fallen and I can’t get up”) Pelosi for Speaker. Crazy Democrats are trying to clone Jack the Ripper, so his DNA can be combined with Pancho Villa’s for the perfect Democratic leader.
  • Crazy Democrats want Medicare for All, guaranteed jobs and free college education. Sane Democrats want the same things, but call them something else.
  • Crazy Democrats want to repeal the 2nd. Amendment. Sane Democrats are willing to leave it in place, but pretend it doesn’t exist. 
  • Crazy Democrats are the ones wearing Napoleon hats. Sane Democrats go for the more sedate Mad Bomber variety.

 

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Barb Wire.

Don Feder
Don Feder is a former Boston Herald writer who is now a political/communications consultant. He also maintains his own website, DonFeder.com.

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