Our confidential secret sources have identified the top three choices to share the Democrat ticket this year as Hillary Clinton’s running mate. One of them may become America’s vice president.
*Comedian Roseanne Barr. “Hillary likes her because she’s totally daft and so far out of the political mainstream, or any other stream for that matter, that she makes Hillary look sane by comparison,” said one of our impeccably reliable sources.
*Pope Francis I. “This could get a little tricky because he’s not a U.S. citizen,” said a source, “but where there’s a will, there’s a way. Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg is looking for a loophole in the Constitution. Anyway, he’s the Pope and that ought to get our gal the Catholic vote. And she likes the way he declares that Donald Trump is not a Christian.”
*Virginia Governor Terry McAuliffe. “Two peas in a pod!” said our source. “Hillary’s under FBI investigation, and so is he.”
“Hillary and Terry go way back, and he’s done some great work with the Clinton Foundation.” Particularly impressive to Mrs. Clinton, said the source, was a $120,000 donation made to McAuliffe by “a Chinese businessman.”
“With Terry and Hillary both scrounging payoffs from questionable sources, it’ll be like old times in the White House,” said a knowledgeable informant.
“The only thing missing will be Bill Clinton chasing interns around the Oval Office. But Hillary can appoint him to the Supreme Court to keep him out of mischief.”
So which of these three will it be? We’ll just have to wait and see!
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