Another Lesbian Feminist ‘Success’ Story

Barb Wire

Tobias Hill-Meyer (@Tobitastic) is the son of two proud lesbian feminist mothers. You ask: “How lesbian feminist are they?” Toby was born after his mother went into labor at a Sweet Honey in the Rock concert in 1983. From a 1988 essay his mother Jennifer Meyer wrote:

When my first son was born, I promised myself that I would never be ashamed of who we are as a family. That I would counter the shame that society would try to force on us with a fierce pride. . . .

When my son was three, he reminded me of that promise with his own openness. While traveling, we’d stopped for lunch in a small town in Washington state . . . When the waitress approached our booth, Toby stood up and announced, “My name is Toby and these are my two moms: Mama J and Mama Kate.” . . .

I vowed again never to hide.

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Luckly, we live in a place where that is possible. Santa Cruz [California] is relatively open and accepting — not exactly Utopia, but not the Bible Belt, either. . . . Toby’s teachers are careful to say “parents” instead of “mom and dad” and to recognize all kinds of family units when discussing families. And the kids in Toby’s class think Toby is incredibly lucky and special to have two moms.

You can read the rest of that about the “societal oppression” Jennifer Meyer congratulates herself for “battling” all her life. Well, it looks like your battle was a success: Your son’s a shemale now!

Tobi was 20 when she first explained to my partner, Kate, and me that she was questioning her gender. She wasn’t sure of much, except that she could no longer be the boy we had raised and would appreciate it if we would use female pronounces when referring to her. . . .

Two years later [i.e., in 2006], Tobi now considers herself a “transwoman.” She’s on a regimen of female hormones and has legally changed her name from Tobias to Tobi. . . .

After describing the experience of being “lesbian mothers on the forefront of the ‘turkey-baster age,’” Meyer condemns those who thinks  “the lack of a male role model” could lead to “gender-confusion and homosexuality.” (Haters!) But please, tell us more:

As important as it was for us to affirm ourselves as an average American family, we also felt it was our duty to counteract gender stereotyping. To raise our boys to value emotion and sensitivity, to avoid the honing of aggression that is usually imposed on male children.

And you succeeded! Way to go, lesbian feminist mom! I’m sure you must have been proud to read this 2005 article about Tobi:

Hill-Meyer read works drawn from her thesis-zine, “A New Language of Gender and Desire,” as well as an essay recently published in the book “Getting Bi.” . . .

Hill-Meyer said that sex is often equated with gender but that sexual orientation is not all about sex. Instead, she and other bisexuals find many different factors influencing sexual attraction.

For example, Hill-Meyer said she was pretty sure she was a straight male in high school, but in college she became less sure of herself.

“More realistically, I was 95 percent attracted to feminists, and there weren’t any feminist men at my high school,” she said. “That’s what I’m really attracted to.”

Instead of being attracted to men and women, as people assume when Hill-Meyer tells them she is bisexual, she said the more gender-deviant a person is and the more in between the two sexes, the more she will be attracted to them, which is why “bisexual” is an often confounding term for Hill-Meyer. It suggests only two genders, when really she sees many more, she said.

Tobi is “attracted to feminists”! Way to go, Mom! Except that your “sensitive” son seems to have some issues with . . . lesbians:

An Open Letter to Jennifer Meyer and Kate Hill

Dear Jennifer and Kate –

Hello. My name is Cathy Brennan, and I am a lesbian activist in Baltimore, Maryland. . . .

I want to ask you to do something now that will also take amazing courage — please tell your daughter, Tobi Hill-Meyer, to stop terrorizing Lesbians. . . . . Tobi has taken it upon herself to tell Lesbians that we are bigots for shunning penis. Perhaps you don’t know this? She also has perpetuated the myth that Lesbians as a group secretly crave penetration by males – because some Lesbians use dildos. And Tobi, aided and abetted by would-be helpers who think they are waging a noble battle against “bigotry,” willfully violates the boundary established by Females for Female-only space. . . .

You can read the rest of that.

Guess what? Tobi Hill-Meyer is now working in that ultimate expression of “emotion and sensitivity,” the porn industry:

Why do I make porn

I came of age in sex positive communities where I saw people’s sexuality being celebrated in amazing and positive ways — but it was always a cis person or sometimes a trans guy. Trans women were tolerated in my communities, but not really expected to participate on that level. I wanted so badly to see someone like me being celebrated for being sexual, and although I couldn’t have that when I needed it most, I realized I could be that for someone else. So after getting the boot from mainstream porn because my body won’t ejaculate, I set out to make my own and create opportunities for trans women to represent ourselves in ways we actually wanted to be represented.

Shemale porn produced by a shemale! I’m sure Tobi’s lesbian feminist mother is proud that her emotional and sensitive son grew up to be a “daughter” who still has a penis but who has been effectively neutered by hormonal treatments so that his/”her” genitalia is so completely dysfunctional he/”she” can’t work in “mainstream” shemale porn.

Feminists everywhere must applaud this kind of parenting “success.”

The Hill-Meyer family must be so proud of their son/”daughter,” but I’m pretty sure his/”her” lesbian mothers can relax and stop worrying that anyone might ever call them “Grandma.” The feminist success story concludes with a Darwinian dead end.

First published at

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Barb Wire.

Robert Stacy McCain
Robert Stacy McCain is an award-winning journalist with more than 25 years of experience in the news business. He is a correspondent for The American Spectator, editor-in-chief at Viral Read and blogs at

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