I’m Shocked, Shocked to Find… Claude Rains in Campaign 2016

Barb Wire

Claude Rains’ character in the iconic film “Casablanca” has just been told by Maj. Strasser to find a reason to close Humphrey Bogart’s nightclub. Rains to Bogart: “I’m shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on here!” The croupier hands him money. “Your winnings, sir.” “Oh, thank you very much.”

This election has been filled with stunning revelations and Ripley’s-Believe-It-or-Not moments:

I’m shocked, shocked to find that the liberal media are an adjunct of the Clinton campaign.

According to a Gallup Poll released in mid-September, public confidence in the media has fallen to an all-time low. Only 32% have a “great deal” or “fair amount” of trust in the media – down 8 percentage points from last year and more than 20 points lower than 1997.

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The first two presidential debates were run as Australian tag-team matches, with Hillary figuratively slapping the hand of one of the moderators so they could jump in the ring and pummel Trump while the Democratic nominee took a breather. In the second debate, moderators Anderson Cooper (CNN) and Martha Raddatz (ABC News) interrupted Trump 26 times against only 12 interruptions for Clinton.

One media watchdog group said ABC, NBC and CBS devoted 15 times as much coverage to Trump’s off-color comments, made more than a decade ago, than to WikiLeaks devastating revelations about the former First Lady.

Media bias? Next they’ll tell us that the United Nations has a double standard when it comes to Israel.

I’m shocked, shocked to find that many Republican leaders are (in the words of Mike Huckabee) “bedwetters and handwringers.”

Note the way they run for cover whenever the media drops a perfectly timed bomb on Trump. “Oh, dear me, he said uncouth things about woman. However will I explain my support of him to my wife and daughters?” Wait ’till Hillary is president and Bill is installed as first pervert. Then they can stop by the White House to meet the “silver zipper.”

Even Republicans who grudgingly endorsed their party’s nominee (like Rabbit Ryan) were looking for an excuse – any excuse – to prove their purity by turning on him. They prefer candidates who should be singing with the Vienna Boys Choir (like Mitt), who will lose like little gentlemen and won’t embarrass the GOP in front of the mainstream media.

This is part of a pattern. It’s been almost 20 years since a Republican Speaker refused to pass a budget that was the fiscal equivalent of the Taj Mahal. Ryan and company quake at the thought of CNN blaming the GOP for “closing down government.” Profiles in courage?

I’m shocked, shocked to find that Bill and Hillary aren’t shining examples of honesty and integrity.

More Americans believe in Bigfoot than think Hillary is “honest and trustworthy” – 14% to 11% in separate polls.

It started when Bill was Arkansas governor and Hill made a $100,000 profit in six months trading in commodities futures, based on a $5,000 “investment.” When the power couple left the White House in 2001, they took with them $200,000 worth of furniture, china and works of art.

As of February 2015, foreign entities accounted for more than one-third of donors who gave the Clinton Foundation in excess of $1 million (including Gulf states that fund terrorism and a Russian corporation allowed access to 20% of our uranium deposits). When Hill was Secretary of State, 85 of her 154 scheduled meetings and phone calls with non-governmental personnel were with Clinton donors, who collectively gave a total of $170 million. While Hillary was raking it in for the Foundation (which exists mostly to line the pockets of the Clintons and their friends), Bill got $48 million in so-called speaking fees.

Sometimes Bonnie Parker in a pants suit and Clyde Barrow with his pants undone dropped the pretense that they weren’t accepting a bribe. Among the latest WikiLeaks revelations: The Islamist state of Qatar gave Bill a check for $1 million for his birthday in 2011. For this, it only asked for five minutes of his time to present the swag at his New York office.

Harry Truman said that “only crooks” make money in government – which would make Bill and Hillary Boss Tweed, Al Capone and Bernie Madoff all rolled into one.

I’m shocked, shocked to find that the left thinks religious people are bigoted schmucks.

Faith figures prominently in the left’s disdain for Main Street America, from Barack Obama’s “bitter-clingers” (small-town Americans who cling to “religion,” “guns” and “anti-immigrant sentiments”) to Hillary’s “deplorables.” (all of us ists and phobes).

Exhibit 1: WikiLeaks disclosure of an e-mail exchange between Clinton Campaign Manager John Podesta and Communications Director Jen Palmieri. It starts with a message from John Halpin of the Center for American Progress ranting about conservative Catholics’ “amazing bastardization of the faith” and lamenting the Church’s “severely backwards gender relations.”

How do they get those white sheets and hoods over their Armani suits?

I’m shocked, shocked to find that ObamaCare isn’t working.”

In a rare moment of candor while stumping for his spouse, Bill Clinton called Obama’s crown jewel “the craziest thing in the world,” even while his wife praises it to the sky, though admitting that there are a few glitches.

The Democratic governor of Minnesota, once one of its most ardent champions, confessed, “The reality is the (hilariously misnamed) Affordable Care Act is no longer affordable for an increasing number of people.” The Kaiser Family Foundation predicts health-care premiums could be headed for a double-digit increase in 2017.

This was unexpected and totally unpredictable. Look at all of the other government programs which have worked so well, like “green-energy” subsidies and VA hospitals where veterans die waiting for care.

The Affordable Care Act was never intended to work in the sense of providing better care at lower costs. Keeping your doctor/plan if you liked them was always a smoke screen for the bureaucratization of American medicine. The program was intended to be another giveaway for the Democrats’ core constituency (the gimme class), at the expense of the middle class.

I’m shocked, shocked to find that Wall Street is high on Hillary.

After griping for decades about Washington’s interference with the free market, it transpires that Wall Street is one of the biggest investors in Hillary and her campaign. Since leaving the State Department, she’s pulled in at least $7.7 million from speeches to banks like Goldman Sachs. It’s been estimated that for every dollar Donald Trump got from the financial industry through July 21 of this year, Hillary received $539.

Corporate America is quite comfortable with big government, as long as it can pull the strings. It’s learned how to scam the system: to get subsidies, relief from regulations and other favorable treatment.

It likes politicians who are predictable – who, once bought, stay bought. It dreads idealists who actually believe what they say. Like big business, Hillary is a creature of the system. Sometimes, she connects with her inner leftist – on issues like abortion and facilitating Iran’s nuclear program, which Wall Street could care less about – but mostly, it’s all about the Benjamins.

I’m shocked, shocked to find that a trail of dead cops lead to Black Lives Matter and the White House.

Obama is a smoldering cauldron of racial resentment who’s given us the most divisive administration in memory. Leaders of Black Lives Matter have been guests of the White House and met with the Clinton campaign. Protestors at BLM rallies carry signs like “Killer Cops Create Cop Killers” (how’s that for rationalizing murder?) and chant “Pigs in a blanket, fry ’em like bacon.” Incitement? Perish the thought. From St. Louis to Boston, police officers have been ambushed and murdered, often by killers with high-powered weapons wearing body armor – and Obama says, in effect, “naughty, naughty, but they certainly have legitimate grievances.”

I’m shocked, shocked to find that the left is resorting to violence in this campaign.

Of mayhem at a rally in San Jose in June, The Washington Post reported: “Several people were caught on camera punching Trump supporters.”

Over the weekend, 20 cars parked outside a Trump rally in Maine were vandalized and the GOP headquarters in Orange County, North Carolina was gutted with a firebomb. “Nazi Republicans get out of town,” was spray-painted on a nearby building. The media are looking for a motive. The latest
revelation, in the spring, groups connected with the Clinton campaign were sending in rent-a-mobs to disrupt Trump rallies.

Nothing happens in a vacuum. The New Left pioneered these stormtrooper tactics. Today, conservative speakers are regularly assaulted on campus. Like their Islamist counterparts, the left believes anything is justified to promote the cause.

There’s just no end to the surprises in this campaign.

In the spoof “1941,” Slim Pickens is kidnapped and taken onboard a Japanese submarine off the coast of California. When he spots a German naval officer (played by Christopher Lee, naturally), Pickens exclaims: “Jesus Palomino, a Nazi! I knew it, you’re all in cahoots!”

Yeah, who would have thought?

First published at GrassTopsUSA.com

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Barb Wire.

Don Feder
Don Feder is a former Boston Herald writer who is now a political/communications consultant. He also maintains his own website, DonFeder.com.

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