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Are All Criminals Stupid?


Are all criminals stupid or are all stupid people criminals? Evidently it is true that one has to be a little stupid to choose a life of crime. The following evidence seems to substantiate that fact.

James Elliot took his .38 caliber revolver with him to carry out a robbery in Long Beach, California and the gun failed to fire, leaving his intended victim wild-eyed in fear. James then did something that will guarantee his entrance into the Stupid Criminal Hall of Fame. He looked down the barrel and pulled the trigger again. This time it worked. Jimmy is no longer with us. But then he never really was.

Recently a man walked into a gun shop and tried to rob it with a ball bat. The owner and customer used their guns to convince him that he was deficient in his planning. Just as an intelligent person does not take a knife to a gun fight, you don’t take a ball bat to rob a gun store.

In February of 1990, super dumb thief David Zaback entered the H & J Leather & Firearms gun shop near Seattle, Washington. The store was full of customers who were buying and looking at firearms.  Remember that it was a gun shop. The thief walked around a police car parked out front then entered through the front door and directly in front of him was a uniformed police officer standing at the counter drinking a cup of coffee with the store owner. Not being intimidated by the crowd (in the gun shop) or the police officer, the thief announced that a holdup was in progress and told everyone to put their hands on the counter telling them he would kill anyone who moved. The police officer drew his Glock 17 at the same time a clerk drew his 10mm semiautomatic and fired at the thief. By that time several customers (did I mention that it was a gun shop?) began firing at the would-be thief.  He was pronounced dead, graveyard dead, at the scene.

Crime scene investigators discovered 47 expended cartridge cases in the gun shop and a subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. That number was about the same as his IQ. I assume the autopsy revealed that the thief’s brain had atrophied. A ballistics report revealed the shots were fired from seven different weapons.

A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and demanded all the cash in the register which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving his $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer was $15 so his crime cost him $5.00. Usually crime does not pay but in this incident it cost the thief $5.00. If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?

As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to provide the police a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes, officer, that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.” That’s another sure member of the Stupid Criminal Hall of Fame.

The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast. The frustrated gunman walked away.

David E. Edwards a former middle school principal in North Carolina, is accused of sexually assaulting a student while the boy’s unsuspecting parent was outside the room. Deputies say that between 2009 and 2011, Edwards molested at least three boys between the ages of 11 and 14. With such natural audacity, Obama might find a place for him in his waning, worthless, and witless administration.

A woman called the police to ask them to settle a dispute with her and her drug dealer. They settled it. She went to jail.

Sane people are thrilled that those dimwitted criminals are in prison so they can’t breed and contaminate the gene pool even more.


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