Mandatory Voting: Flipper for President?

Barb Wire

President *Batteries Not Included says voting ought to be mandatory. Of course he thinks so: the immovably ignorant are already a big part of his voter base, and he wants to make it bigger..

But if you think it’ll stop there (forsooth, they never stop!), be advised there’s a lawyer out there named Stephen [sic] Wise who is advocating for personhood for animals, whatever that means. Do you know what it means? I don’t. He already has a bunch of lawsuits filed, just waiting for the right kook judge to come along.

Mr. Wise says, “Personhood is not a biological concept, it is a public policy concept.”

What have I been saying? Every time you turn around, some other schlemozzle comes up with yet another way to dismember the culture; and before you know it, we are all expected to embrace this sparkling new idea, and heaven help you if you don’t.

Trending: Wake Up Christians – Silence Is Not An Option

Mr. Wise does not wish to expand “personhood” to dogs and cats. Has anybody asked him why? Supposedly, computer analysis of the sounds dolphins make “proves” that they have an actual language, names, grammar (but not spelling), and the ability to reason. It’s not hard for me to believe that some dolphins are smarter than some people. Some ashtrays are smarter than some people. Oh! If only we could do away with the Bible! That’s where all that stuff comes from, about man–sexist language!–being created in God’s image, placed above all other living things as God’s image, and all the rest of that bad business that holds us all back from being truly liberated stupid and immoral bastards. But folks like Mr. Wise are working on it.

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Barb Wire.

Lee Duigon
Lee Duigon, a contributing editor with the Chalcedon Foundation, is a former newspaper reporter and editor, small businessman, teacher, and horror novelist. He has been married to his wife, Patricia, for 34 years. See his new fantasy/adventure novels, Bell Mountain and The Cellar Beneath the Cellar, available on

Join the conversation!

We have no tolerance for comments containing violence, racism, profanity, vulgarity, doxing, or discourteous behavior. Thank you for partnering with us to maintain fruitful conversation.