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How About Just ‘Some’ Religious Freedom?

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How can America preserve religious freedom–guaranteed in the First Amendment to the Constitution–while at the same time preserving the right of homosexuals to force Christians to perform actions against their conscience and their faith?

The city of Gomorrah, New York, has the answer.

Here, the city council has passed the Kinda-Sorta Religious Freedom Ordinance, which sets up six Religious Freedom Zones around the city. Each is roughly the size of an old-fashioned public phone booth.

Explained Mayor Bill Zebub, “Anyone who steps into a Religious Freedom Zone, for as long as he remains inside it, cannot be forced to say or do anything against his beliefs. Within the zone, absolute freedom of conscience prevails.

“Outside the zone, of course, everyone, including Christians, must obey any order given by a gay or lesbian or trans person. To do otherwise is to be guilty of Hate, and Hate is a very bad emotion. It will not be allowed to exist within the city limits of Gomorrah.”

The city has authorized a Human Rights Whipping Post, with rack and thumbscrews reserved for “particularly difficult cases.”

“We got the idea from the Free Speech Zones you find on many college campuses,” the mayor said. “After all, the First Amendment doesn’t say where you have freedom of speech or freedom of religion! All it requires is that you have freedom somewhere in America. Nor does it say how large that somewhere has to be.”



 

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